Dealing with PTSD

As you could see in the previous blog post, physically everything looks good. Except for the fatigue in the early afternoon and the still difficult sleeping pattern during the night (due to the position of my defibrillator near my ribs), I‘m doing pretty fine physically.

But the PTSD with which I was diagnosed back in May, is still popping up its head, which you can also notice in my previous blog post (skeptical about good medical results, ICD lead and battery worries, etc.).

The main symptoms I encounter are anxiety and irritation. The SCA had an incredible impact on my life and having been clinically dead for 4 minutes I now know how fragile life is, but what is most "scary" is all the "Whats" and the "What ifs"... What if I need medical assistance and there's no hospital in the vicinity? What if my defibrillator goes rogue on me and gives me inappropriate chocks? Will I ever be able to go on long adventure trips like I did before? When will my fatigue disappear? When will I be able to have a good night sleep again and not feel my defibrillator push against my ribs anymore? Etc. etc.

The monthly psychotherapy-sessions with a mental health professional help me understand the process that I‘m going through. It gives me a platform to discuss my concerns and struggles. What it doesn‘t provide me to my liking are practical tips and tools to deal with the anxiety and the irritation.

I‘m now trying meditation and mindfulness and hope this will help… 

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